Avoiding Social Situations.

Social situations are one of the things that I find most difficult. I plan to meet up with friends in advance, I build it up in my head and once it gets to it, I kind of just shut down. Recently, I made arrangements to meet up with my group of friends, to celebrate a birthday. It had been arranged about 2 weeks in advance, and the plan was always to go for a meal. There was one person going who I had not yet met, and he was a good friend to my boyfriend and the other 2 people there, so I felt like I had a lot of pressure to make sure he liked me too. Aside from that, I was just overall nervous to be around people outside of my own home, because I worry that if it gets a bit too much, I won’t be able to deal with the situation.

Now, my friends know and understand that I suffer with anxiety, but I still worry that they would get offended or mad if I cancelled last minute. Especially when it was a birthday celebration. As it got closer to the day, I began feeling more and more nervous. When these situations occur, I feel physically sick from the nerves. But why should I get nervous? These people are my closest friends, but even still I get very anxious to the point where I cancel on them because I cannot bare to be out with people.

Fast forward to the day of the meet up, I thought that I was feeling better. I planned that morning what I was going to wear, how I would do my make up and what a great time we would have. But when I only had a couple of hours to go, I began to shut down. I was at my boyfriend’s house and all we had been doing during the rest of the day was just chilling out, having lunch and watching YouTube. It wasn’t as if my day was stressful enough to cause all of this anxiety. Nevertheless, all I could bring myself to do was curl up in bed, not talk to anybody and (over)think about the worst possible things that could happen if I went out.

My boyfriend tried everything to get me to go out, he practically dragged me out of bed because I was so unresponsive to anything he was suggesting or saying to me. There came a point where I point blank refused to move. All I could think about was that they didn’t really want me there, they only asked because they felt sorry for me, they don’t even like me. I couldn’t get these negative thoughts out of my head and once I’ve reached this really low point, it becomes very hard for me to get out of it. Hence why I’ve cancelled meeting my friend on numerous occasions.

However, this time was different. It took me about 2 hours but I finally overcame something that I have been struggling with for the last year or so. I sat up, I got my outfit ready, put on my make up and I walked out that front door. I met up with my friends, I met a new friend, and everything was fine. The only downside is that because of everything I was thinking prior to this, I still felt extremely anxious and uncomfortable being out with people. But I stuck with it. We ate our meal, and we even went for drinks afterwards. I went outside of my comfort zone and faced one of my biggest fears head on.

I know that there will still be times where I do let my anxiety get the better of me, and I do cancel my plans, but at least I can be proud of myself knowing that I can do it if I really try.

4 Comments

  1. I think it’s great you overcame it but if you cannot bare to be out with people, why do it? It looks like it’s actually making you more anxious. Figure out why it makes you anxious, work on it and then decide when you wanna start going out. I am not saying shut everything down and never meet anyone, but for a while, maybe it will comfort your mind more to actually do what it feels like rather than standing against it and pushing yourself. Maybe even split it – go out one week and stay in the next. Balance it out and then you won’t feel like you are not being social enough and at the same time, you won’t feel like you are pushing too hard against what your mind feels you should do. I think it’s great to overcome your mind because it takes a lot of guts but I feel like sometimes you also have to listen to what your body is saying to you. Right now it is saying don’t put me in social situations and you are saying you have to, so of course you are getting anxious.

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    1. I completely agree, and I never really thought of it like that. Sometimes you do need to focus on yourself, but at the same time I worry that if I avoid it too much then I’ll never do it. But thank you so much for commenting with your advice, it’s nice to hear different views from different people!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I used to BE that friend that would get mad when people flaked. During the past few years I’ve grown to understand why I should never get mad because I was turning into the flaker myself. It’s difficult to want to keep up with social expectations, but the winter time makes it especially hard for me. I need to take my own advice and go with the mindset that at the very least I am supporting my friends. If I’m feeling too bad to go though, I no longer make myself feel guilty. We are definitely our own worst enemies. I’m glad you have a supportive boyfriend who can help you out with this. Stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

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