You know those times where you really think that you can overcome one of your fears, you get yourself hyped up for it and then an hour before you do it, you just freeze. This happened for me last night.
I made plans to go to the gym with my boyfriend and 2 friends. We spoke about it all week, we planned our workout and times to meet, and when I was on my way I realised that I couldn’t go through with it. I know that it’s just the gym, what’s so scary about it? But I lack in confidence and self esteem, and the thought of being surrounded by people who are in shape, who are pretty and toned and know what they’re doing, it makes me very anxious.
I used to go to the gym quite regularly at the start of 2017, but then something inside me clicked and my self esteem/confidence just got lower and lower and soon enough I couldn’t face ever stepping foot into a gym again. I thought I could get over it last night, I thought I was going to conquer my fear, but I couldn’t do it.
I feel even more low now that I know I failed. I feel so down because I feel defeated, I let the anxiety win again.
Hopefully I can try again at some point, but this has really knocked me back.